The Definitive Guide to Accepting Compliments

What’s your initial reaction whenever someone pays you a compliment or expresses their appreciation for you?

I've spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this and I've noticed that a lot of people ― including myself ― often respond with anything but simply saying “thank you” and moving on.

I mean, what is up with that? It seems so difficult to do when we’re on the receiving end of kind words.

Let me share with you what I've learned when it comes to accepting compliments.

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Why We're Unable to Take Compliments Well

A previous study revealed that “people with low self-esteem have difficulty accepting and capitalizing on compliments.”

In relation to that, it’s difficult to accept a compliment or someone’s gratitude when you don’t see yourself as deserving of the praise you’re receiving.

Another reason is being uncomfortable with higher expectations which may come with the compliment you’re receiving, like when your boss butters you up before giving you more work.

And the most obvious reason is, we want to remain (or seem) humble.

When someone gracefully accepts a compliment, does it sound like bragging to you? If it does, maybe you’re jealous of their self-assurance.

Five Ways People Respond to Compliments

I discovered that there are five ways how people respond to compliments, and each has its own characteristic.

1. The Awkward and Embarrassed

First, there’s the awkward and embarrassed. These are the people who don’t know what to do with compliments and words of appreciation, so they get embarrassed and act awkwardly instead.

Some people also adopt this response to hide the fact that they secretly live for compliments, which is really false modesty if we’re being honest.

2. The Repayer

Second, there’s the repayer, who always responds to compliments by saying something nice in return. These people even try to outdo your compliment by praising you more.

But to be fair, there are people who only compliment others just so they can hear something nice in return.

3. The Deflector

Then there’s the deflector. These people seem to believe that there’s no reason for you to compliment or thank them.

Maybe it’s because the compliment they’re receiving is something they’re used to hearing or you’re thanking them for something that they did as a natural response.

Sometimes, deflectors also attempt to pass all the credit to their collaborator because they believe that they don’t deserve the same amount of recognition. Other times, they think that what they’re receiving is sarcasm rather than a compliment, so they just brush it off.

4. The Underplayer

Fourth is the underplayer. To illustrate, I have an aunt who is an excellent cook. At every family gathering, I always compliment her delicious meals. And without fail, she responds with, “I just got lucky.”

One time, I couldn’t take it anymore so I told her that she consistently makes delicious meals because she’s a very good cook.

I think I embarrassed her a bit, but I certainly meant well. People who underplay their own skill may simply want to avoid the pressure of high expectations.

5. The Critic

The last, and which I think is the most toxic one, is the critic. These are the people who nitpick on themselves whenever they receive compliments.

Instead of simply thanking you, they find faults on what they’ve done and then rattle off points for improvement you haven’t asked for or even noticed.

Even if you don’t realize it, when you respond in any of these five ways, you actually reject the compliment or appreciation you’re getting. Please stop robbing yourself of receiving encouragement!

The Definitive Guide to Accepting Compliments

So what should you do when you catch yourself doing any of these? Here’s the definitive guide to accepting compliments:

Change the Way You Respond

The most important thing to do is to change the way you respond. It really takes discipline and consistency to rewire your brain and change your natural reactions.

Own the Compliment!

And how do you change the way you respond? Well first, own the compliment! You are smart. You are funny. You are capable. And you deserve the credit you are due.

Training yourself to establish ownership doesn’t mean letting your achievements get to your head. It means acknowledging your skills, talents, and capabilities. It also helps you honestly evaluate how far you can achieve.

Believe the Best in Others

Remind yourself to believe the best in others. Some people I know admitted that sometimes they find it hard to accept compliments because they interpret it as sarcasm.

Now I’m here to remind you that a lot of people take the time to compliment and thank you simply because they want to encourage and appreciate you. It’s not always because they have an ulterior motive or they're being a plastic.

Believing the best in others does sometimes mean taking their words at face value. And if you let go of overthinking someone’s compliment, it will save you a whole lot of brain space.

Resist the Urge to Criticize Yourself

Please resist the urge to criticize yourself. Self-loathing isn’t a very nice thing to hear after you compliment someone. And if you only criticize yourself to fish for more compliments, shame on you.

When you give this kind of response, you also indirectly make the compliment-giver feel bad. Imagine wanting to just appreciate someone but instead they lash out at themselves unnecessarily. Rude, right?

When people give you a compliment and express their gratitude to you, they’re celebrating you. Don’t rob them of the opportunity to bless you in this way.

Three Ways to Respond to Compliments Better

There are three great ways to respond to compliments better:

• Say thank you and mean it. This will boost your self-confidence!

• Share the limelight with those who equally deserve the recognition.

• Feel free to compliment back when you mean it.

So the next time someone pays you a compliment or thanks you, just accept it. Graceful acknowledgement is a mark of self-assurance.

Remember, graceful acknowledgement is a mark of self-assurance.

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